do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
