ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
