yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Acid is not a monday night drug
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
