my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I am mentally ready for anal.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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