i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
