Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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