He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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