Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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