Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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