We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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