the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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