I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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