I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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