I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
