Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
