So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
