my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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