THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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