i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
