how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
