I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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