You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
