ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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