I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
