I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
