Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
