She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
