did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
