I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
