Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
