I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
