He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
