How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
