I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
