Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
