Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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