He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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