we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
