Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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