I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
