I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
