I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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