But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
