Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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