I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
