OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
