My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
