Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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