This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
