so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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