This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
