three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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