I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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