apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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