so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
