Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
