Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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