i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
