I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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