1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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