I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
