Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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