I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize