i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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