this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
