New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
