3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize