I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
