How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
