Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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