Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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