I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
