A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
